You know, laughter prolongs life. Well, if that’s the case, then birthday jokes could be the key to gaining extra years on your life. There’s something enchanted about mixing birthdays.
Those treasured days that signal another orbit around the sun, with the language of humor. Whether you want to start the party off with a bang, spice up a birthday card, or want to be the one to bring true grins to that special person’s birthday, having an arsenal of birthday jokes is crucial.
From cringe-worthy puns that will make your friends roll their eyes (in the best possible way) to witty one-liners that will make everyone say “where did you hear that one?”, birthday jokes possess this amazing ability to turn any party from run-of-the-mill to extraordinary.
Birthday one-liners
- Age is a state of whine.
- It’s not polite to ask a woman her age, especially if she knows karate.
- I like my birthdays like I like my coffee: with a little bit of whiskey when no one’s looking.
- Never let an arsonist light your birthday candles.
- My best birthday party trick is showing up when the cake is being served.
- Women live longer than men, especially men who forget their wives’ birthdays.
- Don’t worry about tomorrow—just focus on the presents.
- My favorite flavor of cake is “Baked by Professionals.”
- Some people get sad on their birthday. Those people need more ice cream.
- You know you’re getting old when the heat from your birthday candles singes off your eyebrows.
- You’re not old—you’re mid-century modern.
- Why aren’t we supposed to look a gift horse in the mouth? What if he’s got another gift under his tongue?
- “The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.” —Lucille Ball
- “The older you get, the better you get—unless you are a banana.” —Betty White
- At least you’re not as old as you will be next year.
- You’re not getting older—you’re getting better at denial.
- Have a great birthday! (Unless you think that’s too cheesy.)
- Happy birthday: You’re one in a melon!
- When it comes to cutting the birthday cake: Measure twice, stuff it in your face three times.
- When I was a kid, for my birthday, my dad would roll me down the hill in a tire—those were Goodyears.
- Birthdays are like roller coasters: There are a lot of ups and downs, and someone is going to throw up at some point.
Funny birthday jokes
- How are birthdays like margaritas?
The more you have, the less you care. - What do you always get on your birthday?
Another year older. - Why didn’t Ryan Gosling have any birthday cake?
He’d had enough. - Why do we put candles on the top of birthday cakes?
Because it’s too hard to put them on the bottom. - What is the best way to remember your wife’s birthday?
Forget it once. - What type of birthday cake do ghosts prefer?
“I scream,” cake. - Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock?
Because it was marble cake! - Why do people snore more when they get older?
It’s nature’s way of letting those they live with know they’re still alive. - Why should you celebrate your birthday in a pool after age 50?
There’s no chance of the candles starting a fire. - What should you say to a donkey on his birthday?
Don’t let them pin anything on you. - What happens if no one shows up to your birthday party?
You get to have your cake and eat it too! - Why did the nun celebrate her birthday a day early every year?
Habit. - What do you call a three-layer birthday cake?
Delicious. - What happened when the past, the present, and the future arrived at the birthday party with the same gifts?
It was tense. - Why do candles love birthday parties?
They get lit. - How do pickles celebrate their birthday?
They relish it.
Birthday jokes about aging
- As long as you don’t have to vacuum the dust out of your crows, you’re not that old man.
- Weight-bearing exercise is really important as we get older, which is why you should lift two gallons of ice cream on your birthday.
- Birthday math: 60 is the new 40. And 9 o’clock is the new midnight.
- I may be old this year, but … what was I saying?
- One minute you’re young and fun. Next, you look forward to senior discount day at the grocery store.
- In honor of your birthday, I had a facelift … so I could look surprised at your party.
- I celebrated with a destination birthday. That destination was my pharmacist.
- You know you’re getting older when you have to use GPS to locate your boobs.
- Celebrate like you did when you were born: Scream because you don’t know where you are or how you know these people.
- Buck up: You’re younger than the Mona Lisa, and people still visit her.
- Thanks to Facebook, I know when everyone’s birthday is, including the people I don’t like.
- Why don’t adults have superhero birthday parties? Cake and spandex.
- It’s your birthday. Are you ready to GRUMBLE?
- How do you know you’re old? When you can’t read this birthday joke because the font is too small.
- I’m not saying you’re old, but your birth certificate is in hieroglyphics.
Birthday knock-knock jokes
- Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
I sing.
I sing who?
Icing is my favorite part of the cake! - Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Woo.
Woo who?
Woo-hoo, it’s your birthday! - K.nock, knock
Who’s there?
Abby.
Abby who?
Abby birthday! - Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you glad I didn’t forget your birthday? - Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Olive.
Olive who?
Olive, the presents are mine! - Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Winnie.
Winnie who?
Winnie is going to open the presents? - Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Harry.
Harry who?
Harry up and blow out the candles before the ice-cream cake melts! - Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Icy.
Icy who?
Icy, you’re trying to crash my party!
Birthday jokes for kids
- What did the elephant want for his birthday?
A trunk full of gifts. - Why do cats get more birthday parties than dogs?
Because they have nine lives. - Why didn’t the pony sing “Happy Birthday”?
She was a little horse. - What’s the best birthday cake to serve a panda?
A pancake. - Why was the bee at the birthday party?
To wish the birthday boy a happy birthday. - What did the Chihuahua sing to the birthday girl?
“Happy birthday to you.” - Why wasn’t the porcupine invited to the party?
She kept popping all the balloons. - What was the nerd’s favorite party game?
Hide and geek. - What kind of fish can blow out birthday candles?
A blowfish. - Why should you always invite penguins to your party?
They bring the ice. - What’s a mallard’s favorite birthday game?
Duck, duck, duck. - What do birthday cakes and baseball games have in common?
They both need batters. - What do you sing to a cow on its birthday?
“Happy birthday to Moo!” - What did the tree say at the birthday party?
“I can’t believe it’s your birthday again!” - What did the superhero say when he put on his party hat?
“I am Hatman.” - What does a clam do on its birthday?
He shellabrates! - Why did the giraffe leave her party early?
She hurt her neck leaning over to blow out the candles. - What did the dog say to the cat on her birthday?
“You don’t smell a day over 7!” - Why didn’t the teddy bear want any cake?
He was stuffed. - What kind of music makes birthday balloons have nightmares?
Pop music. - Why did the emoji leave the birthday party early?
She had all the feelings. - How did Darth Vader know what Luke was getting for his birthday?
He felt his presence.
Birthday dad jokes
- Why shouldn’t you invite a cow to a birthday party?
They bring pies, not cake.
- How do ponies let you know they don’t want to go to a birthday party?
They say, “Neigh.”
- How are birthdays like an eclipse?
You may black out at some point.
- How did the birthday clown get to the party?
In a Clown, Victoria.
- What did the fisherman give his wife for her birthday?
A can of worms.
- When is a birthday cake like a golf ball?
When you slice it.
- How many dads does it take to bake a cake?
One dad jokes, but it takes him three beers and four trips to the grocery store.
- Why didn’t Han Solo enjoy his cake?
It was Chewie.
- What is a vampire’s favorite flavor of icing?
Blood orange.
- Me: “It’s my birthday. Some places sing “Happy Birthday” and give out free cake.”
Them: “Sir, this is a bank.”
- What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
“Aye, matey!”
- What did the condiment say at the party?
“May I have some cake?”
- Where do you get a birthday present for your cat?
From a catalog.
- What do George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, and Christopher Columbus all have in common?
They were all born on holidays.
- What happened when the worker played musical chairs at the office birthday party?
He took his boss’s seat, and now he’s unemployed.
- What does a mechanic do on his birthday?
Calibrate.
- What do you call your 21st birthday?
Your beer-thday.
- Do you know what it means when you have your 21st birthday?
You can no longer count your age on your fingers and toes.
- What happens when robbers crash a birthday party?
They take the cake.
- Why did the bread get nervous at the birthday party?
Everyone was toasting.
Conclusion
It’s the old one-liners that have been tickling people’s funny bones for generations, or the witty puns that highlight your intelligence, carrying around a cache of birthday humor in your back pocket makes you the type of person that everybody wants at their party.
Keep in mind that the best birthday joke is not always the most hilarious one. It is the one that the birthday individual would feel special and loved for. You’re going to sneak a pun in a birthday card, use it to break the ice at a party, or want to add a smile to someone’s special day. Use these jokes as your inspiration, and don’t be shy to include your flair.
After all, shared laughter is double the happiness, and isn’t that precisely what birthdays are about? Birthday jokes aren’t just words.
