You remember that humans are 30% more likely to recall information. It’s presented humorously. It’s a fact! And there’s nothing that opens the floodgates of social ease like a wonderfully cringeworthy corny joke.
We’ve all been there, that moment when someone lets loose a pun so bad you can’t help but both cringe and laugh. Corny jokes have a special ability to bring us together through shared eye-rolls and begrudging smiles.
Corny Jokes for Kids and Adults
- What do you call a pig that does karate?
Answer: A pork chop. - What do you call fake spaghetti?
Answer: An impasta. - What do you call a well-balanced horse?
Answer: Stable. - When do computers overheat?
Answer: When they need to vent. - Why do bees have sticky hair?
Answer: Because they use honeycombs. - Why can’t your ear be 12 inches long?
Answer: Because then it would be a foot. - What do you call a factory that sells good products?
Answer: A satisfactory. - What kind of music do planets like?
Answer: Neptunes. - What do you call a fish without eyes?
Answer: Fsh. - How do rabbits travel?
Answer: By airplane. - What did the cucumber say to the pickle?
Answer: You mean a great deal to me. - Did you hear about the sensitive burglar?
Answer: He always takes things personally. - What kind of dog tells time?
Answer: A watchdog. - Why was the broom late for work?
Answer: It overswept - What do you call someone who sleeps in their socks?
Answer: Tiny. - What do you call a sheep who can sing and dance?
Answer: Lady Ba Ba. - Why did the coffee taste like dirt?
Answer: Because it was grounded just a few minutes ago. - What’s a dog’s favorite superhero?
Answer: Labra-Thor. - What do you call a cow with no legs?
Answer: Ground beef. - How many ears does Captain Kirk have?
Answer: Three. The left ear, the right ear, and the final front ear. - How much does a chimney cost?
Answer: Nothing, it’s on the house. - What do you call rude cows?
Answer: Beef jerky. - Did you hear about the man who’s paranoid about picnics?
Answer: He’s a real basket case. - What did the surgeon say to the patient who wanted to do his anesthesia?
Answer: “Sure, knock yourself out.” - How does Darth Vader like his toast?
Answer: On the Dark Side. - Did you hear about the evil hen?
Answer: It was known for laying deviled eggs. - What do you get from a pampered cow?
Answer: Spoiled milk. - What kind of car does an egg drive?
Answer: A Volkswagen. - How do you organize a space party?
Answer: Your planet. - What do you call an angry carrot?
Answer: A steamed vegetable.
Best Corny Jokes
- How do you tell if a vampire is sick?
Answer: See if he is a coffin.
What did the tomato say to the other tomato during a race?
Answer: Ketchup.
What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?
Answer: A dino-snore.
What do you call a priest whoturkey becomes a lawyer?
Answer: A father-in-law.
What does corn say when it gets a compliment?
Answer: Aw shucks!
What runs but never goes anywhere?
Answer: A fridge.
What did the bartender say tturkeyurkeyt sandwich when it tried to order a beer?
Answer: “Sorry, we don’t serve food here.”
Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Answer: If they flew over the bay, they would be bagels.
What’s the difference between the bird flu and the swine flu?
Answer: One requires treatment, and the other an ointment.
Why do people say “break a leg” when you go on stage?
Answer: Because every play has a cast.
What do you call an alligator detective?
Answer: An investigator.
What kind of ghost has the best hearing?
Answer: The eeriest.
How did the dead brother and his dead brothers resemble each other?
Answer: They were dead ringers.
Why are there gates around cemeteries?
Answer: Because people are dying to get in.
Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pen?
Answer: Because it’s pointless. - Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Answer: Because he was outstanding in his field.
Where can you buy soup in bulk?
Answer: The stock market.
If athletes get athlete’s foot, what do elves get?
Answer: Mistletoes
What’s brown and sticky?
Answer: A stick.
What did the yoga instructor say when her landlord tried to evict her?
Answer: Namaste.
Why was Cinderella so bad at soccer?
Answer: She kept running away from the ball!
What do you need to cook an alligator?
Answer: A crock-pot
Did you hear about the Italian chef who had an accident the other day?
Answer: Unfortunately, he passed away.
What’s the bad thing about birthdays?
Answer: Too many of them will kill you.
Why did the deer go to the dentist?
Answer: It had buck teeth.
Why should you be careful with what you say around eggs?
Answer: They can’t take a yolk.
What’s the biggest cause of dry skin?
Answer: Towels.
What do baby computers call their father?
Answer: Data!
What do you call a sad cup of coffee?
Answer: Depresso.
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?
Answer: Because the “P” is silent.
Short Corny Jokes
- Why did the bike fall over?
Answer: It was two tired. - What do you call a cow with two legs?
Answer: Lean beef. - How do you stop a bull from charging?
Answer: Cancel its credit card. - Why did the mushroom go to the party?
Answer: Because he was a fungus - Why does a chicken coop only have two doors?
Answer: It would be called a chicken sedan if it had four doors. - Have you heard about the corduroy pillow?
Answer: It’s making headlines! - What do sea monsters eat?
Answer: Fish and ships. - What was the frog’s job at the hotel?
Answer: Bellhop. - What do cows most like to read?
Answer: Cattle-logs. - Why did the photo go to jail?
Answer: Because it was framed. - What do spies do when they’re cold?
Answer: They go undercover. - Why do cows have hooves and not feet?
Answer: They are lactose. - What happens when a doctor gets mad?
Answer: He loses his patience. - Have you heard the joke about sausage?
Answer: It’s the wurst! - Why can’t dinosaurs clap their hands?
Answer: Because they’re extinct. - Should I try a diet?
Answer: No, that’s just nuts! - Why do people who live in Greece hate waking up each morning?
Answer: Because Dawn is tough on Greece. - Why wouldn’t the lifeguard save the hippie?
Answer: He was too far out. - How do you make 7 even?
Answer: Take away the “S.” - Which state does Santa enjoy visiting the most?
Answer: Ida Ho Ho Ho - What do you call security guards for Samsung?
Answer: Guardians of the Galaxy - Can a frog jump higher than a house?
Answer: Of course. Houses can’t jump. - Why did the nurse carry a red pen with her?
Answer: In case she had to draw some blood. - Did you hear about the two radios that got married?
Answer: The reception was amazing! - Where do cows go on dates?
Answer: To the movies - What did the avocado say to the other avocado?
Answer: You guac my world! - What does a nosy pepper do?
Answer: Gets jalapeno business. - How can you tell the difference between a bull and a cow?
Answer: It’s either one or the other. - What did the lettuce say to the celery?
Answer: Please quit stalking me! - Where do polar bears keep their valuables?
Answer: In a snowbank.
Hilarious Corny Jokes
- Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water?
Answer: Because he was a little horse. - Why don’t eggs tell jokes?
Answer: They crack up too easily. - When is a door not a door?
Answer: When it’s ajar. - Why don’t you buy things with Velcro?
Answer: It’s a rip-off. - How do you make an egg roll?
Answer: You push it. - What do you call a snobby criminal going down the stairs?
Answer: A condescending - What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle?
Answer: Attire. - What do you call a row of rabbits hopping away?
Answer: A receding hairline - How did the hipster burn his tongue?
Answer: He drank his coffee before it was cool. - Why did the kid stock up on yeast?
Answer: He wanted to make some dough. - What kind of tea is hard to swallow?
Answer: Reality. - What kind of shoes do robbers wear?
Answer: Sneakers. - What do you call a man whose clothes?
Answer: Iron Man. - Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?
Answer: He couldn’t see himself doing it. - Why do cows wear bells?
Answer: Because their horns don’t work. - What lights up a soccer stadium?
Answer: A soccer match. - What kind of cheese isn’t yours?
Answer: Nacho cheese. - Where does the electric cord go to the hop?
Answer: An outlet mall. - Why are frogs so happy?
Answer: They eat whatever bugs them. - Why don’t melons get married?
Answer: Because they cantaloupe. - What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine?
Answer: Give me my quarterback. - What did one hat say to the other?
Answer: You stay here. I’ll go on ahead. - Why can’t you trust the king of the jungle?
Answer: Because he’s always lain. - Why were the fish’s grades bad?
Answer: They were below sea level. - Why did the stadium get hot after the game?
Answer: All of the fans left. - What do you call banana peel shoes?
Answer: Slippers. - What do you call a sleeping bull?
Answer: A bulldozer. - Why wouldn’t the shrimp share his snack?
Answer: He was shellfish. - Why wouldn’t the poppy seed leave the casino?
Answer: He was on a roll. - What kind of music do mummies listen to?
Answer: Wrap music.
Corny Jokes That Make You Laugh
- Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?
Answer: In case he got a hole-in-one - Why does Snoop Dogg use an umbrella?
Answer: For drizzle! - Why did the restaurant hire a pig?
Answer: He was good at bacon. - What has four wheels and flies?
Answer: A garbage truck. - What do you call a bear with no teeth?
Answer: A gummy bear. - Why are the Irish so wealthy?
Answer: Because their capital is Dublin. - What do lawyers wear to work?
Answer: Lawsuits. - What has more lives than a cat?
A frog, because it croaks every day. - What’s that restaurant on the Moon like?
Answer: It doesn’t have any atmosphere. - What’s the best way to burn 1,000 calories?
Answer: Leave the pizza in the oven. - What do clouds wear underneath their shorts?
Answer: Thunder pants. - Why do scientists like Orion’s Belt so much?
Answer: It’s a big waste of space. - Can February Mand arch?
Answer: No, but April Mand ay. - What do you call a medieval lamp?
Answer: A knight light. - Why couldn’t the tree get on his computer?
Answer: He couldn’t log on. - Why is sausage so bad for you?
Answer: Because it brings out the wurst in people. - What do you call an elephant in a telephone booth?
Answer: Stuck. - What do you call a deer with no eyes?
Answer: No eye deer. - What do you call a rabbit with fleas?
Answer: Bugs Bunny. - What do you call a broken clock?
Answer: A total waste of time. - How many apples grow on an apple tree?
Answer: All of them. - Which vegetable is great for martial arts?
Answer: Broc-lee. - What do mermaids use to wash their fins?
Answer: Tide. - Why couldn’t the shellfish farmer exercise?
Answer: He pulled a mussel. - What kind of award do you give dentists?
Answer: A little plaque. - What do pigs use in the shower?
Answer: Hogwash. - Would you like to hear a pizza joke?
Answer: It’s a little cheesy. - Why did the pumpkin go to the emergency room?
Answer: He wasn’t feeling so good - Why did the old man fall into a well?
Answer: He couldn’t see that well. - Did you hear about the chemist who lost an electron?
Answer: He should have kept a better ion them.
Cheesy Jokes and One-Liners
- What did the policeman say to his belly button?
Answer: You’re under a vest. - Why did the robber jump into the tub?
Answer: He wanted to make a clean getaway. - What do you call it when Batman skips church?
Answer: Christian Bale. - What did the elevator say when it sneezed?
Answer: I think I’m coming down with something. - Why are elephants wrinkly?
Answer: Because you can’t iron them. - Why couldn’t the pirate learn the alphabet?
Answer: Because he got lost at C. - What did the ocean say to the shore?
Answer: Nothing. It waved. - How did the barber win the race?
Answer: He knew a shortcut. - Why can’t you trust duck doctors?
Answer: They’re all quacks. - What do you do with a sick boat?
Answer: Take it to the doc. - Where was King Solomon’s temple located?
Answer: Right beside his ear. - What did 50 Cent do when he was hungry?
Answer: 58 - When do ducks wake up?
Answer: At the crack of dawn. - If a bee can’t make up its mind, what do you call it?
Answer: A, maybe. - Did you hear about the skeleton beauty contest?
Answer: NNobody won. - Did you hear about the man who was interested in gold prospecting?
Answer: Unfortunately, it didn’t pan out. - What kind of fish do dolphins catch at night?
Answer: SStarfish - Why are Christmas trees so bad at knitting?
Answer: Because they always drop their needles. - What did the alien say to the landscaper?
Answer: Take me to your weeder. - Did you know that dogs can’t operate MRI machines?
Answer: But catscan. - Why should you avoid talking to trees?
Answer: They can be a little shady sometimes. - Did you hear about the man who drank invisible ink?
Answer: He’s in the ER waiting to be seen. - Why couldn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Answer: Because it got stuck in a crack. - Why do ghosts like elevators so much?
Answer: It lifts their spirits. - How do bees get to school each day?
Answer: They ride the school bus - Why did the police arrest the turkey?
Answer: Because they suspected foul play. - What do you call a cold puppy?
Answer: A chili dog. - How did the two snakes end their fight?
Answer: They hissed and made up. - Did you hear the rumor about butter?
Answer: Well, I’m not going to start spreading it. - What did the toilet say to the other toilet?
Answer: You look a little flushed.
Corny Jokes That Are Funny
- Why did the man get hit by a bike every day?
Answer: He was stuck in a vicious cycle. - What do you call a pile of cats?
Answer: A meow-tain. - Why don’t they play poker in the jungle?
Answer: Too many cheetahs. - How does a duck buy lipstick?
Answer: She just puts it on her bill. - What do horses say when they fall?
Answer: I can’t giddy up. - How do you impress a baker?
Answer: Bring him flour - How does a rancher keep track of his cattle?
Answer: With a cow-culator. - Which flowers are the best kissers?
Answer: Tu-lips. - What do sprinters eat before they race?
Answer: Nothing. They fast. - What did the cake say to the fork?
Answer: You want a piece of me? - How can you tell it’s a dogwood tree?
Answer: By the bark. - What’s red and rad for your teeth?
Answer: A brick. - What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
Answer: Supplies! - Why did the tomato blush?
Answer: Is it to see the salad dressing? - What do you call a duck on the Fourth of July?
Answer: A fire-quacker. - What did the envelope say to the stamp?
Answer: Stick with me, and you’ll go places! - Which king loved fractions?
Answer: Henry the 8th. - Why did the cookie go to the doctor?
Answer: He was feeling crumby. - What’s Forrest Gump’s password?
Answer: 1forrest1. - What do you call a sad strawberry?
Answer: A blueberry.
Conclusion
So there you have it, the full guide to corny jokes that will have everyone laughing and rolling their eyes. The real strength of a corny joke isn’t actually in its being clever but in providing that shared moment of pleasure, no matter how begrudgingly it is given. So indulge your inner cheesebal. Something is endearing about a joke that’s so bad, it’s good.
Life is serious enough already, and sometimes we all need that little humor that only a truly awful pun can bring. So no matter if you are making small talk at a party, easing the tension in a meeting, or just looking to put a smile on a loved one’s face, don’t overlook the effectiveness of a well-placed corny joke. And let’s be honest. The kind that makes us groan is still the best medicine.
