85 Funny Work Quotes To Share With Your Colleagues

You’re aware that workplace laughter can boost productivity by as much as 31%?. Well, if it’s the case, then this compilation of humorous work quotes is going to make you the most productive individual in your workplace.

Let’s be honest – work is a real grind at times. From meetings that last forever, deadlines that are impossible to meet, to the one employee who microwaves fish in the break room, we all need a good chuckle to carry us through the day. That’s why these funny work quotes come in handy.

I’ve put together the best side-splitting, relatable, and straight-up genius funny work quotes that sum up the gorgeous mess of office life. Whether you’re in search of the ultimate caption for your LinkedIn post, want a snappy comeback for your team meeting, or need to lighten up your cubicle with some humor, these quotes have got you covered.

From old-school one-liners that never go out of fashion to contemporary office truths that resonate differently in 2025, prepare to find quotes that will have you LOL, nodding furiously, and perhaps even text them to your work BFF. I promise, your stress levels are going down.

Funny work quotes about business and sales

“My sales objective is to get my prospects to look at my products the same way I look at bacon.” — Kurt Mortensen
“You can’t just ask customers what they want and then try to give that to them. By the time you get it built, they’ll want something new.” — Steve Jobs
“Customers are like teeth. Ignore them and they’ll go away.” — Jerry Flanagan
“Business opportunities are like buses; there’s always another one coming.” — Richard Branson
“On any given Monday, I am one sale closer and one idea away from being a millionaire.” — Larry D. Turner
“Do billboard salesmen record their sales on charts? If so, who’s at the top of the Billboard charts for Billboard sales?” — Ryan Lilly
“There’s no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn’t tell you about it?” — Kin Hubbard
“Hustle until your haters ask if you’re hiring.” — Steve Maraboli
“My favorite sales book? The Bible. I would improve it. You know how we people are.” — Kare Anderson
“When you’re good at something, you’ll tell everyone. When you’re great at something, they’ll tell you.” — Walter Payton
“Hey, here’s a gourd!’ is not so different from, ‘Hey, here’s enterprise sales software!’ The language changes, but the humans are the same.” — Chris Penn
“My favorite sales book? Harvey Mackay’s Swim with the Sharks Without Being Eaten Alive. Why? Well, it’s the only sales book I ever read.” — Tristan Bishop
“If I tell you I want to be a door-to-door salesman, don’t knock it.” — Jarod Kintz
“Although your customers won’t love you if you give bad service, your competitors will.” — Kate Zabriskie
“The difference between try and triumph is just a little umph!” — Marvin Phillips
“Ninety percent of selling is conviction and 10 percent is persuasion” — Shiv Khera
“Pretend that every single person you meet has a sign around his or her neck that says, ‘Make me feel important.’ Not only will you succeed in sales, you will succeed in life.” ― Mary Kay Ash
“If you are not moving closer to what you want in sales (or in life), you probably aren’t doing enough asking.” — Jack Canfield
“Expect the best, prepare for the worst, capitalize on what comes.” — Zig Ziglar
“In sales, a referral is the key to the door of resistance.” ― Bo Bennett

Funny work quotes about motivation

“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing—that’s why we recommend it daily.” — Zig Ziglar
“People who never do any more than they get paid for, never get paid for any more than they do.” — Elbert Hubbard
“Luck is a dividend of sweat. The more you sweat, the luckier you get.” — Ray Kroc
“Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.” — Robert Orben
“If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.” — Claude MacDonald
“The only thing that ever made its way to success was a hen.” — Sarah Brown
“If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.” — Dalai Lama
“You can’t have a million-dollar dream with a minimum wage work ethic.” — Zig Ziglar
“The question isn’t who is going to let me, it’s who is going to stop me.” — Ayn Rand
“Even a stopped clock is right twice every day. After some years, it can boast of a long series of successes.” — Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach
“Nothing is impossible, the word itself says ‘I’m possible!'” — Audrey Hepburn
“If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door.” — Milton Berle
“I’m not retiring, I am graduating… retirement means that you’ll just go ahead and live on your laurels and surf all day in Oceanside. It ain’t going to happen.” — Junior Seau
“The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary.” — Vince Lombardi
“The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs… one step at a time.” — Joe Girard
“The only way to achieve the impossible is to believe it is possible.” — Charles Kingsleigh
“You never become a howling success by just howling.” — Bob Harrington
“Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there.” — Will Rogers
“Think like a proton. Always positive.” — Unknown
“There are no shortcuts to any place worth going.” — Beverly Sills
“Success is going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.” — Winston Churchill
“There’s no lotion or potion that will make sales faster and easier for you—unless your potion is hard work.” — Jeffery Gitomer
“Whatever you do, always give 100%. Unless you’re donating blood.” — Bill Murray
“My advice is not to wait to be struck by an idea. If you’re a writer, you sit down and damn well decide to have an idea. That’s the way to get an idea.” — Andy Rooney

Funny work quotes about appreciating your job

“Doing nothing is very hard to do… you never know when you’re finished.” — Leslie Nielsen
“The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.” — Oscar Wilde
“I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.” — Jerome K. Jerome
“It is better to have one person working with you than three people working for you.” — Dwight D. Eisenhower
“You don’t get paid for the hour. You get paid for the value you bring to the hour.” — Jim Rohn
“Most people miss opportunity because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” — Thomas Edison
“Your job is not just to do what your parents say, what your teachers say, what society says, but to figure out what your heart is calling you to and be led by that.” — Oprah Winfrey
“We work to become, not to acquire.” — Elbert Hubbard
“Find out what you like doing best and get someone to pay you for doing it.” — Katharine Whitehorn
“Great things are done by a series of small things brought together.” — Vincent Van Gogh
“Be like a postage stamp. Stick to a thing till you get there.” — Josh Billings
“Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don’t turn up at all.” — Sam Ewing
“I’m a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work, the more I have of it.” — Thomas Jefferson
“Anybody, somebody, or nobody is ever going to make your life any more than you are willing to do for yourself. So, stop looking around for anybody to do something for you; instead, get your own body going and get it done now.” — Byron Pulsifer
“Aim low, reach your goals, and avoid disappointment.” — Dilbert
“I’m not the smartest fellow in the world, but I can sure pick smart colleagues.” — Franklin D. Roosevelt
“My job is fun! I should change this line once in a while. My brain has started to realize that I am lying to it every morning.” — Anonymous
“Optimist: someone who figures that taking a step backward after taking a step forward is not a disaster, it’s more like a cha-cha.” — Robert Brault
“Success looks a lot like failure up until the moment you break through the finish line.” — Dan Waldschmidt

Funny work quotes about the weekend

“Friday makes Monday worth it.” — Andy Atticus
“Music always sounds better on Friday.” — Lou Brutus
“Friday. The golden child of the weekdays. The superhero of the workweek. The welcome wagon to the weekend.” — Unknown
“It is Friday… any plan of being a productive member of society is officially thrown out the window.” — Unknown
“Friday is a day to finish your goals for the week. It is a day to celebrate that which you set out to accomplish at the beginning of the week. Well done.” — Byron Pulsifer
“Nothing messes up your Friday like realizing it is only Thursday.” — Unknown
“People wait all week for Friday, all year for summer, all life for happiness.” — Raimonda B.
“Here’s to another Friday of outward smiles and inward screams.” — Unknown
“Why is Monday so far away from Friday and Friday so bloody close to Monday?” — Unknown
“Weekends don’t pay as well as weekdays, but at least there’s football.” — S.A. Sachs

Funny work quotes about staying focused

“The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.” — Robert Frost
“Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn’t the work he’s supposed to be doing at that moment.” — Robert Benchley
“If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved and never will achieve its full potential, that word would be ‘meetings.” — Dave Barry
“I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.” — Douglas Adams
“Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgment.” — Rita Mae Brown
“His insomnia was so bad that he could not sleep during office hours.” — Arthur Baer
“Work is the greatest thing in the world, so we should always save some of it for tomorrow.” — Don Herold
“Sometimes, I spend the whole meeting wondering how they got the big meeting table through the door.” — Unknown
“We will continue to have more meetings until we figure out why no work is getting done.” — Unknown
“Sometimes, the best part of my job is that the chair swivels.” — Unknown

Conclusion

Laughter is indeed the best medicine, particularly when you are working with spreadsheets, deadlines, and that printer which never cooperates when it matters most.

Whether you’re passing along these gems to your coworkers, putting them on your office bulletin board, or simply keeping them with you for those moments when you need a quick laugh break, don’t forget that a good belly laugh can turn your whole workday around.

So go ahead – post that humorous quote in your next team Slack channel, lighten the Monday of someone with a clever one-liner, or smile knowing millions of people all over the globe are going through the same workplace hijinks as you. Work may be work, but it doesn’t have to be dull!

Ready to be the office funny guy? Start dishing out the jokes – your co-workers (and your sanity) will thank you for it.